i'm thinking about the sex we had and my body is reenacting it without me doing anything, the pain, the pleasure.. everything is reenacted.

oh she's only seventeen.

the day i was born, has come and pasted.
a day like any other, to some but to my family its something special.
god blessed me, allowing me to reach this age, nothing to do with lucky or chance.
i have grown, and there is much to learn.
happy state at times, sad overcomes most of my time.
one year older, and not one year wiser.
learned to love but never to hate.
live for love but never to die.
love to live but hate to die.
i'm your messenger from the sky,
i will help you when you need to cry,
and you will never have to say goodbye.

evolution.

looking back, when i was with you, we actually were good for each other.
the time of utter disbelief and could we even have something has past and the honest truth is shining through. we learned from each other, i'm not going to say that it was always pleasant but it was worth it. it is true, you do learn from your mistakes, not every relationship is a mistake its a learning process.

now, life is about a the challenges and how you can overcome them.
going through a transfmation, stepping back and watched your life from a different perspective. the eyes of another will show you things that your heart was blocking you from seeing.

today, i totally forgot about you, until a friend let your name slip into our conversation. it didn't bother me for the first time, it was just a name that reminds me of good memories and not as before of the pain you caused me to feel.

officially happy now, didn't think it would come so soon, just it came just in the nick of time for the party to start, i don't know what it is but i feel as if my life is finally coming back to normal.

up all night, got demons to fight.

the past does come back.
either to haunt you or as a pleasant clip,
you can embrace it or reject it,
you can smile or cry,
live or die,

the choice is yours.

bulletproof.

drunken nights, where its not that i miss you..
but i forget that your not in my life anymore.
we stopped talking for a reason, the only time we condone conversations is when you think you can have me there laying on my back again..
i made the mistake of calling you again this weekend, not thinking straight..
wine, vodka, beer, can have a girl forgetting her pain, but i caused it all to come rushing back with then 46 second call.

going along these lines;
why, you owe me, what time, make it snappy, what do you want to do, i want you to drop me home, call me when you get here, bye.

totally forgetting that we stopped talking for a reason, your a douche when you don't get what you want, and you also live in a dream world where you think you can have me again.
the sad part of this all is that i once thought we we're better than all of this, but of course i was wrong, sorry babes but I'm over and i learned from my mistakes.

this time baby i will be bulletproof.

human nature.

standing in a cramp hotel room, surrounded by tons of drunken teenagers macerating as ghouls and foolish folk.
then he walks in, the boy that I've heard oh so much about
his smile, his eyes, even the way he walks..
he's suppose to make a single heart flutter and shatter into a million tiny fragments.
he abruptly walks into the bedroom that separates the wild and horny from the somewhat sober and social, attempts to hang up his coat with interrupting the conversation going between the girls that can't stop there jaws from hitting the floor.
then there savior walks in to introduce the gorgeous boy to the surprised girls..
the tease each other, explaining why one of them will "hook-up" with beauty by the end of the night.

dancing with people she never met before, just the two best friends that she collected over the years.
"come on dance, i know you want to, just come i little bit closer to me" was it the liquid courage talking or the courage from within the amazing statue of perfection.
she didn't know what to do, to dance and gyrate her waist like no tomorrow or stand there and pretend like he was nothing special.
grabbing her hand pulling her closer to his body, getting anxious the closer and closer she got, hoping that she didn't reject him in front of the crowd accumulating.

they move to the sofa-bed after the crowd clears for them to be able to breathe, liquor still in toe, stumbling over drunken bodies laying on the soft carpet floor.
talking about stupid, pointless shit, she notices that he's not even paying attention anymore, just staring at her as if the key to all his questions are in her eyes.
the conversation goes for a unexpected turn when the jealous "best friend" demands that its pass her bedtime and needs to get home.

gets dress, scarf, jacket, shoes.. slowly erasing any evidence that he was ever there.
goes back to the sofa-bed to say goodbye to his new found drinking buddy, puts one arm around her, and he pulls him in and squeezes tight.
she releases while he places his soft lips on hers.
the night is done, she can go to sleep knowing she is loved by someone wonderful.