i want to take a vow of celibacy, to correct what i have down wrong in life.
to better myself, i guess cleanse my body.. to make relationships less about attraction and more and meaning.
the boy tells the girl he loves her and whats to be with her, in exchange she gives him her body, sacrifices her morals and beliefs for the sake of love.
"all boys want is to get in your pants, they will say anything to do so" - my mother..
was she telling me a fact of life or making sure that her daughter doesn't have sex.
i would hate to say that all boys are the same and that all they want is sex but it is the truth, at least from the boys i have encountered. they wine and dine you, then try to lay it on you. you stall and protest but yet you give with the sweet words that come from his mouth. you feel ashamed and saddened but the crushing defeat, the pain of knowing how the outcome will be.
it might be crazy to take a vow of such sorts at this age, but i feel it is necessary to my lively hood. to triumph from the bad and darkness that surrounds me in the world.
sex is not bad, but the action is not a clean thing. it is dirty and dark.
not the sex you have with someone you love, but the sex you have with the boy you met at the club, or the boy you go to school that looked good at the party. (i have not done these things) you get caught in the lies and the misleading trust of the hopeful longing in your eyes.
"just because i don't believe in relationship doesn't mean that i'm easy" - myself
celibacy isn't a choice because you want to make people talk, it is for yourself and no one else.. you can't pick it up like a top and drop and the second your notice a stain.. you take it home wash it and continue with your day.
i have been celibate for two months now, and this is the first time i am talking about it.
until i find someone or something that is worth me quitting my vow will stay strong in my heart and mind.. i wear a ring to show my commitment.
No comments:
Post a Comment