who am i suppose to be.

am i really an oreo ?
am i a black person coated with a white exterior shell ?
what is the definition of being black?

please, explain this to me.
jordans, bongo jeans, pullover hoodie, leather jacket..
is that how i should dress ?

uggs, levis jeans, body suit, canada goose jacket..
is there something wrong with how i dress ?

the first thing you see are clothes and looks, the part that you don't learn is the personality and spirit. the rope pulling my limbs from each side spit me in two, the pain is unbarable but yet easily covered up. you make me evaluate the inner and outer beauty of my soul, question my morals and the person i've grown to become.
society devides us, making us see the differences instead of the similiarities. you made me as much as i made you, the age of darwinism is over but the thesis is here to stay.
i am no better than you, i listen to the steyerotypes and judge you before i meet you. i know how you will sound and act before you get near. sometimes i feel better than you, above you, because i am different. the money, the clothes, the grammar, and tone.. it makes me better than you, because i can float into different situations without being detected, not because i'm telling a lie but because the lie has become a part of me.
you made me this way, and there are no signs of either of us changing.

so you tell me how to be the person i am suppose to be

just a little song that i can't stop listening to.
maybe it has something to do with cheap thrills.

ignorance is strength.
freedom is slavery.
war is peace.

love is blind and ignorance is bliss.

for your entertainment.

i'm only here for your entertainment.

from the time i get up to the time i got to sleep.
the makeup i put on my face, to the tights i pull on my legs.
the straighter i pull through my hair and the top i navigate into.
the shoes i throw on to the coat that keeps me toasty.

i taunt and tease you with something i know you can't get, make you feel like your in the winners circle and then end up last. you feel like it's an easy task from the way that i act, the way you ask me what i lack. the way you comment on my sass, the confidence in my walk. the curves my body holds, and your want for your hands to hold these curves to yourself for one night.

you talk to me on the phone, asking me what i would do to you. letting your mind wonder and imagine what i say is happening. the joy is brings you is short term bliss, until the actual this happens, toe-curling bliss of sorts. i do want you want because it puts a smile on your face. i give my all, until i am drained from it all.

i can only be here for your entertainment.

can i get back my lonely life.

is it the love that follows me, taunts me with every turn.
i go to work and see you pick up my co-workers,
i go to school and see the younger you in the cafe,
i go to the dentist and see you framed up on the wall.
i can't escape it, the memories haunt me every chance it gets to creep in to my head.
the past loves, the ones that seemed like they would never end.
the faces of the lovers that have come and gone..
how can you go on as if we never had anything, to you it seems as if i was just a toy, or a game that you can turn off and on with the flip of a switch.
the girl you came to know is no longer her, she's changed and learned from the lessons you taught her.

single life has no drama, no disappointment.
you showed me that that's the only way i can survive in this world..
lonely and insecure, love and support is something for the nieve and young.
a dream that is found when you aren't looking for it, but not when you need it.
take or have it stolen from you.

i just want my lonely life back, where you can't hurt me anymore.
love is no longer a want, its a curse and a disease that's affected me for too long.

just how i feel about you.

tossing and turning in bed, waking up drenched in a cold sweat, laying there longing for you.. what am i suppose to do ?

tried to go with the flow, but i just couldn't totally commit to that.
the fact of the matter is i like you.. it might be obvious to you.
it's not the same as it is when i like others, it feels right with you..
your touch, your being, just feels right to me.

this is more than a physical attraction or a physical connection, it's just intoxicating.
you make me nervous and confused, i lose games that i can easily win, i'm speechless at times.
i can't take my eyes off you when i'm with you, maybe it just that i can't believe what i feel for you.
i don't feel like this ever.. i know it's not love or infatuation.. your just different from others i've met in my life so far i guess.

and when it comes to other girls, i'm cocky, they have nothing on me..
they just don't meet up to what i can deliver, i'm one of those girls that you only meet here and there, yet still in the back of my head i think about the fact that we do live a ways apart..

to be honestly, i just wanna be happy, and i'm not saying it has to be you that makes that want come true because people don't always get what they want but wouldn't it be a lovely thing, maybe i'm the only one that thinks so..

i'm embarrassed, i don't know what your doing to me, i know the feelings not mutual.. but i had to express myself somehow, where you can't interrupt or reply.. i need you to hear me out.

you have something over me.
it may fade or grow, it's up to you.

but once your done reading this, just tell me how you feel..

smiling uncontrollably.

i don't know what to call the feelings i have for you.
its more that just a physical attraction, just having you near me makes me smile.
i can't help but stare at you when you sit next to me.. i make a face to cover the infatuation in my face.
just seeing your name on my called id makes me giggle and smile uncontrollably.
you honestly do make my day..

when you came to mine and your met my mama, and she questioned our relations..
i couldn't help but think about us being together and how wonderful it would be.
i don't know what it is about you but i just want to be where you are, with you, near you.

sounds crazy, i know its not love..
but with time could it be ?

i want you to tell me what you want, what's the next move..
and does it all involve me.

saka vu.

a Saka Vu production.

'010.

its here, 2010 feels a little different, but in a refreshing morning dew type of way.
made a resolution and it feels as if everyone is working to make it work for me without them knowing.
still into my own random stuff, fashion, art and photography..
so far the years going after to a good start, hopefully the lord with keep it this way & i'm very grateful for him letting me see any other year.

the time has come for us to say goodbye, 2009, has went away.
the clock striked 12 and the ball dropped, grabbed his arm, looking into each other eyes, smiled and kissed, it was a strong kiss unlike something they experience on a regular basis, the kiss showed them the future, and all the happiness it held for them.


it's hear down season, time to let god lead and me follow.
the time has come for me to stop over analayzing everything and go with the flow.
boy, i hope your here to stay, i don't want you to go away.
i can be myself around you, i can dance to thriller in that "slick" way.
i don't care if you see me without my hair done, or see my mom killing the song.
just want you to understand that i want you to see me with my hair down.