till my baby comes home.

the vibrating on my pillow, startles me, causes me to hold my breathe.
leasing my breathe once i answer, its just my boy, the one i call baby.
i stay up for his call, until i can't wait anymore, the waiting is like a needle repeatedly gabbing me in my hand, i want to shake it off but it doesn't go away.
the call is like a cup of warm milk for a antsy child, the present on christmas day, i can't wait to open it but i know its not going anywhere and the give won't change anytime.
we talk on the phone until our eyes close on us, trying to stay up longer than the next, just the feeling of sleeping on the phone with you is enough ease me into a dreamland of bliss happiness.
the sound of your voice, groggy and horse puts me to sleep as if your next to me, the sweet nothing you whisper into my ears through the speaks send shivers down my spine.
it is as if i am next to you in your arms, having you rock me to bed like a loving mother her newborn.

all i can do is wait till you come home back to me baby.

drunk life, trying to forget about how much i like you.

feeling again.

having you there laying in my arms, head on your chest..
not talking just there on the bed, you stroking my arm as you squeeze me tightly.
the feeling i your finger against my forehead moving the misplaced hairs out of my face. with every s unforgetable, my body doesn't know what to do, how to breathe, to turn closer or pull away.
the sensation ofslight turn i make you glance at me to make sure i am alright, when our eyes catch its as if time slows down completely, i don't want to turn away but i don't want to draw attention to us having a connection surrounded by friends.
somehow it feels like we've had something going on since the day we met, ended up always in a pair.
the truth is i don't know what it is, theres something different about me, that pulls me towards you.. it could be that you are everything that i wanted in a boy but grew up, learned different and found you.
the truth of the matter is i have a crush on you, and i'm too scaried to tell you whats on my mind, the most important part is that your innocent heart makes me want to be a better person just for you.

this feeling is something i've felt before and i love this feeling again.

boxes wrapped up underneath the christmas tree.

every year around this time, i get a little sad.
if you know me well, its not hard to figure out why but i've grown and learned to forgive and forget about the things that hurt me in the past.
so i decide to reflect on the achievements and the things i'm most proud of.
i thought of one conversation i had with my friend, and i decided that the one thing i wanted for christmas wasn't you but just to be happy.
causing my new years resolution to go on dates and to date.
not to get wrapped up in relationships unless i liked the person, and not to jump into it with both feet but to tip toe around it and make sure it's the right thing for me.


yes, i'm the first to tell you, i'm a flirt and a tease.
its not my fault, its in my nature, and i noticed that i had a crush on you not for you but for the person you are, the person that i wished every boy i was with before was. your the perfect guy but i don't know what it is with you but you make me forget who i am and want to be with you just to breath the same air as you.
i don't know if its you or the person you are, we hang out in a group of friends..
we constantly look at each other, i constantly want to be in your arms after that night i laid there for hours, it was blissful, amazing, and surprising, i've never wanted to just be near to someone like i want to be with you.
what do you have over me ?
and can i have it back ?
i don't know if i can continue to be in love with you from a far..

isn't that a bitch.

honestly right now I'm pissed and I might regret this tomorrow but I'm FUCKING pissed, I try to be the best friend I can to you guys, while you shit all over me, I'm crying right now in the taxi and feel like shit ! this hurts more than anything but I might have to stop talking to you for a while ! honestly I love you two but this is too much for my life and this might be because of the liquor but it fucking hurts and love you two too much to lose you.. that's why I'm sending this text instead of telling you both this !

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

should i model for you,
should i take off my clothes,
snag come professional pictures,

will that grab your attention ?

say something baby.

imagine.

they sit down after there nice date, the cold weather forces then to attempt to warm up, the chat takes a sudden turn.
the guilt of having such a nice day hits, she can't bare it anymore, she has to tell him that he's not the only one that she's talking to.
not to push him away, but to make him understand why she had her guard up.
the boy is amazed, shocked, and disappointed, he can't believe that the girl he likes so much could hide this from him for so long.

the girl panics and expresses her feelings for him and how she didn't know she felt this way until today, how could she know if they didn't hang out and if he "likes" another girl.
telling her that he doesn't even like the other girl and he made the effort to see her and hang out but she blew him off for her friends thats she basically lives with. with all this being said the boy abruptly gets up and leaves the girl sitting there in dismay.
she doesn't know what to do or say, to cry or scream, chase or call.. so many things go through her mind, not a thing to say to him for the fear of making it worse for herself. the only one that makes sense is that she fucked it all up.


she finally leaves, looking around out of embarrassment.
confused and disrot, calls her girlfriends, she meets them and they talk.
without leaving out a single detail it looks like tears are coming to her eyes, not because of the boy but the pain she might have caused.

she fucked up this one and there's no clear solution in sight.

laying on the bed not knowing what's going to come off next, yours or mine.
looking back at the time and sound of my glass against my teeth and your zipper being pulled down.


one condom or two,
how many rounds can we go through.

i'm thinking about the sex we had and my body is reenacting it without me doing anything, the pain, the pleasure.. everything is reenacted.

oh she's only seventeen.

the day i was born, has come and pasted.
a day like any other, to some but to my family its something special.
god blessed me, allowing me to reach this age, nothing to do with lucky or chance.
i have grown, and there is much to learn.
happy state at times, sad overcomes most of my time.
one year older, and not one year wiser.
learned to love but never to hate.
live for love but never to die.
love to live but hate to die.
i'm your messenger from the sky,
i will help you when you need to cry,
and you will never have to say goodbye.

evolution.

looking back, when i was with you, we actually were good for each other.
the time of utter disbelief and could we even have something has past and the honest truth is shining through. we learned from each other, i'm not going to say that it was always pleasant but it was worth it. it is true, you do learn from your mistakes, not every relationship is a mistake its a learning process.

now, life is about a the challenges and how you can overcome them.
going through a transfmation, stepping back and watched your life from a different perspective. the eyes of another will show you things that your heart was blocking you from seeing.

today, i totally forgot about you, until a friend let your name slip into our conversation. it didn't bother me for the first time, it was just a name that reminds me of good memories and not as before of the pain you caused me to feel.

officially happy now, didn't think it would come so soon, just it came just in the nick of time for the party to start, i don't know what it is but i feel as if my life is finally coming back to normal.

up all night, got demons to fight.

the past does come back.
either to haunt you or as a pleasant clip,
you can embrace it or reject it,
you can smile or cry,
live or die,

the choice is yours.

bulletproof.

drunken nights, where its not that i miss you..
but i forget that your not in my life anymore.
we stopped talking for a reason, the only time we condone conversations is when you think you can have me there laying on my back again..
i made the mistake of calling you again this weekend, not thinking straight..
wine, vodka, beer, can have a girl forgetting her pain, but i caused it all to come rushing back with then 46 second call.

going along these lines;
why, you owe me, what time, make it snappy, what do you want to do, i want you to drop me home, call me when you get here, bye.

totally forgetting that we stopped talking for a reason, your a douche when you don't get what you want, and you also live in a dream world where you think you can have me again.
the sad part of this all is that i once thought we we're better than all of this, but of course i was wrong, sorry babes but I'm over and i learned from my mistakes.

this time baby i will be bulletproof.

human nature.

standing in a cramp hotel room, surrounded by tons of drunken teenagers macerating as ghouls and foolish folk.
then he walks in, the boy that I've heard oh so much about
his smile, his eyes, even the way he walks..
he's suppose to make a single heart flutter and shatter into a million tiny fragments.
he abruptly walks into the bedroom that separates the wild and horny from the somewhat sober and social, attempts to hang up his coat with interrupting the conversation going between the girls that can't stop there jaws from hitting the floor.
then there savior walks in to introduce the gorgeous boy to the surprised girls..
the tease each other, explaining why one of them will "hook-up" with beauty by the end of the night.

dancing with people she never met before, just the two best friends that she collected over the years.
"come on dance, i know you want to, just come i little bit closer to me" was it the liquid courage talking or the courage from within the amazing statue of perfection.
she didn't know what to do, to dance and gyrate her waist like no tomorrow or stand there and pretend like he was nothing special.
grabbing her hand pulling her closer to his body, getting anxious the closer and closer she got, hoping that she didn't reject him in front of the crowd accumulating.

they move to the sofa-bed after the crowd clears for them to be able to breathe, liquor still in toe, stumbling over drunken bodies laying on the soft carpet floor.
talking about stupid, pointless shit, she notices that he's not even paying attention anymore, just staring at her as if the key to all his questions are in her eyes.
the conversation goes for a unexpected turn when the jealous "best friend" demands that its pass her bedtime and needs to get home.

gets dress, scarf, jacket, shoes.. slowly erasing any evidence that he was ever there.
goes back to the sofa-bed to say goodbye to his new found drinking buddy, puts one arm around her, and he pulls him in and squeezes tight.
she releases while he places his soft lips on hers.
the night is done, she can go to sleep knowing she is loved by someone wonderful.

Dreaming with a broken heart

You swore that you wouldn't break my heart again and that we should just be friends, I started to forget about you. Then you appear back in my life sending me a text after text telling me how you want to see me, it's not the voice it's the face the essence, I fell in love with the man I thought you could be with a little guidance and support from me. Guess I was wrong, you keep calling me and all I wanna do is call Rogers and disconnect my phone but I choose to accept and just listen to talk bullshit in my ear.. And all night long I wait for your loving, but it doesn't come, reminsing about the nights we spent together hoping that it would happen again and never stop. But it did and I can't let you catch me off guard and have me in trapped in your hard grasps again.




To Be Continued...

skeemers, dreamers, all fall down.

Wondering aimlessly, without a goal in slight.
How could this be, a girl with so many dreams, leaning on a pole plotting her next strike against civilization.
Not a terrorist, but a skeemer, planting a seed of destruction against those that need a wake-up call, the ones with there head in lap of there mothers.
It is not my fault, they push me to a point of no return, i want to rip the absent-minded corpses from the corrupted society and make them choice the blue or red pill.
The matrix, an alternate world or reality that you can only see clearly by being heavily sedated.

The question is do you use the drug or does the drug use you ?

fumble turned humble.

the day came, i met my match.
it came in the form of a male.
might i be able to overcome the struggle,
or crumble underneath the strain.
he tested everything that was my essence,
he requested that i change my behaviour.
not to say that there was something wrong with me,
everyone else that knew me, accepts the behaviours that they grew to love.
only my match could ask such an outrageous thing and have me question why i even did it, how could it be that one boy could make me change the way i was.
he tortured me, controlling every moved i made,
condemning weekly and hourly rituals.

and then, it all came to an end, when he pushed the final and last button.
the girl that thought she could have anyone she wanted from what she has been shown,
not only that she is attractive but something that mostly just love to have around.
before it was nothing of the sort, she grew up thinking that she was the definition of the ugly duckling. what is there do with but feel en powered and have a power trip.
and its making me realize, that i fumbled and now i am humble.

chasing pavements.

should i give up or should i keep on chasing pavements,
and it will lead away, it will be a waste and i will my place..
and i give up.

you want something that i can't allow myself to give you, i want you, and you don't want me in the same way.
so i will have to continue chasing pavements.
you says that they can just be friends with benifits and that is unrealistic, regardless what i thinks or wants to believe, your just depressing.
i'm going down the wrong way even on a sunday; parties, boys, sex, liquor and drugs. back to my old life.. the way it should have been, i'm not going to let you bring me down anymore. you played me so dirty, played me so bad, torn with my affection, i had to set you free, away from me.. to let me see what love can be.

i'm going to do my own thing, its okay.
cause i am chasing pavements.

i want you exclusively, because i'm lost without you.

so it dawns on me while i'm sitting here listening to music, while the girls are riding me for liking a boy.
i want you, need you boy. i don't want anyone else just you, i have a feeling that we are playing games now, but it will end soon and we will be exclusive.
its like a tornado of emotions that take over my body when i see, think or am even near you. your being is what drives me to breath and wake up in the morning, i hate to admit it but i am lost without you.
all i can see is you, when ever you pop up on my screen, i end up jumping for joy, hoping that our conversation doesn't end until i'm in my bed unconcious from you using your sweet voice to take me to a place of a dark place of bliss.

just call me my name and i'll be there.

let's call it off.

do you agree, let's call the whole thing off.
the conversation turns into a tense, uncomfortable moment..
you don't know what to say, or even do, he's quiet and so are you.
he asks you want you want from him, and you don't even know.
you don't want a relationship but you want him, and you want sex but you want a little bit more. to explain that to him is impossible, all you want to do is answer to your true potential. the only thing you can do is sit there, staring into space, while a tear runs down your cheek and chin..
you ask him what he is thinking about, he responds that he's thinking about the first time that you ever chilled with him, and the tears turn into rivers, that wash away your pain, fears, and worrying thoughts.
and then you realize that you can't let it go, you just can't call it off.

conversation between two lovers.

he talks to her now and then, with one thing on his mind, to have him inside of her yet again. he starts with the usual about how boring his day was.. the conversation quickly progresses onto the classic topic of sex and the comment that every man tells the female he wants, "I could have you, if I wanted you." the girl replies with a little bit of interege, "and what makes you say that?" with that she begins to feel a warm sensation overwhelm her body from head to toe, she can't explain the reason for why it happened.. could it be the lust, the desire, the determination he has to have her lay on her back moaning and groaning in the heat of the moment. he knows that's she wants him, continueing on.. knowing if he ploys on she will open her legs and allow him to please her. she finally gives in, after an hour of sexual tention flowing through there phones is too much to handle, "and what would you do to me if you had me?" and with that his job is complete, they arrange to meet on the following monday, making her the weekly slam in between the other seven.

the traphouse.

she walked into a relationship thinking that she could walk out anytime she wanted.
he tracks her everywhere she goes, he says he wants her, needs her, and doesn't want anyone to have her but him.
he has other girls, that want him, not for his looks but for his money and what he can do for them..
he wants her for her body, knowledge, looks, and soul but she can't submit to his requests..
he wants something that he can't have, a girl that is everything he's been looking for years..
and she wants a guy, that doesn't want her to be his forever but just for the sexing thing..
and she sits there in a damp corner in a basement, trying to figure out how she can escape from his traphouse.

things for thought.

sitting in his car, watching the time go by..
he's offering everything you ever wanted in a package, in the form of a person and all you have to do is, date him, the big don type nigguh. you can either get a loose pussy and a bad rep.. or a housewives of orange county lifestyle.
you can get the world and the stars if you trade your body in.. or you can have your body and none of your wildest dreams.
you can become his main squeeze and have to do everything he wants in exchange for him giving you everything you want, and lose the one you love and would do anything for, without the benifits of getting everything in your wildest dreams because he is the biggest part of your wildest dream.

strength, passion, love; bonnie & clyde.

I don't know if it's something to do with me or every girl in the world, but it's always been a aspiration of mine to have a love like Bonnie & Clyde..
A love so strong, that nothing could come between it, not death, persecution or even being betrayed..
Being an individual person holding your own is dandy, but together makes you almost superhuman, like superman but without his weakness of kryptonite..
Everyone will try to make bring you both down, if not from pure jealously but from shier fear.. nonetheless it is a bond that can't be broken..
You can go months even years apart and come together again and have it been like you never left each others side, the ultimate piece of attraction combines with lust and love, I don't know if its impossible to find but wouldn't it be nice to find..
Passion so strong that you are bond together, with a current that draws you both together with every breathe..
Being in a love like that, death can only do us part..

seasons tend to change..

wearing jeans, moccasins, an oversized tank and a button-up..
sitting on my bacony with a laptop and a ciggarette in toe.
trying to focus on my conversations on msn, but all i can notice is how the colours on the trees are changing ever so slightly.
the wind is blowing and the smoke is making the most intricate designs in the sky.
all the people signing into msn are complaining about how school is starting and how they didn't even get to start there summer and it's coming to an end, but the truth of the matter is.. summer isn't such a wonderful season, boiling hot sun, barely anything to do but to go visit friends in there a/c dungeons.
school is almost here and i'm ever so please, wake up.. hop in the car and learn from an over educated monkey that takes orders from there fred flinstone of a master.. thats what i'm looking forward to, friends, parties, work, and sitting in the principals' office waiting for him to threaten my dreams. it happens every year and it never seems to amaze me, its become routine.
and i can't wait for it to come around the corner yet again.

washing the blood off my hands.

Recently I've been going through some real fucked up shit.
Life has been throwing me some foul one from all corners, people that you think that are you dearest closest friends can change or have hidden ideas about you that you wouldn't believe. Take me for example, I thought I had a friend that had me through thick and thin.. that all changed when she realized that I am going to go places in my life. It's not to say that I was going to leave her in the dust but she must have thought that, the poor girl.. I dated the guys she liked before her, I got the clothes that she could only watch through the store window. I'm not saying I'm rich and I'm not saying she's poor, she just didn't work as hard as I do to make sure I look at my best at all times. Thats just a fact of life, oh well. So, all i can do now is, have a smoke, take a couple of beers and sit on a patio and catch up with old friends.

True Friends Are Like Diamonds, There Rare To Find.
Fall Friends Are Like Leaves, There Found Everywhere.

caribana bana banana.

ain't no fun if the homies can't none.

so my favorite part of the summer has been official ruined by the toronto government and scotiabank.

nobody was expecting this years caribana to be locked off, i honestly don't understand why they decided to ruin such a festive event that brings in so much money for the city of toronot.
its okay, everybody is going to be playing mas next year..

regardless, i had fun.
every girl was scandelous with there short skirts and shorts..
and as usual your girl came hard with her leggings, decked out in american apparel.
the usual apparel for miss annabellesisqo.

with that being said, it was an eventful weekend and the festivities have yet to finish, so good luck with the party hunting and have a blast.

audio push.

i think i might be in love, lol
the two next dudes from who knows where in the states,
are so sweet..
price tag and oktane.
they can dress, sing, dance..
i don't even know what to do..
i need to move to the states right now, this is killing me.
everyone better watch out for these two cool dudes.

you're a jerk

the new boys.

there is this new dance craze coming straight from the streets of LA.
it has hit Toronto, and it's here to stay for the summer.
it isn't a complicated dance at all, just watch the video a couple times and you should get it down pat..
or you can cheat a little and get out a how to jerk video on youtube.
and now for the low down on the new boys,
the two sweet looking dudes from LA, California.
Ben J and Legacy.
just like every "flash/swagged-out" dude here in Toronto, but i guess in the states it's something different.
non the less the the featured artists for this month.

sorry guys.

times have been rough for me.
working, trying to maintain my expensive lifestyle..
boys, boys, boys..
and of course my social life,
hard to work it all out and find time for the computer.
sorry, and i am back !

Talk of the City

this past Sunday at Level Nightclub,
it was a "star-studded" event.
it was an event that no one should have missed, if you did, i'm really and truly sorry for you.
sweet mans and gals, a shame that so many goodlooking people were in one building.
and of course, my friend the "white-boy" decided he was going to do his thing and get his ass kicked out of the club, picking up girls and going off is what he does best.

fights, laughs, catties, ugly ass people, mans going off, and well dressed over the top outfits.
what good party doesn't have these things ?

remember the time.

MICHAEL JACKSON.
the late and great Michael Jackson,
he was collapsed of cardiac arrest.
he was 50 years old and was getting ready for his come back tour in Europe.
i'm at a loss for words, i grew up knowing his music, learning to love and appreciate his talented person.
the whole world is in mourning for the death of THE KING OF POP.


R.I.P. MICHAEL "KING OF POP" JACKSON.
you will be missed and loved forever.

say goodbye.

CHRIS BROWN PLEADS GUILTY.
he cops a plea deal, no jail time for Mr. Brown.
Rihanna did make an appearance at the court house but didn't have to testify.
he has no jail time but has been ordered to stay 50 yards clear of Rihanna and 10 feet at events, he also has been ordered to do 180 days of community labour (8 hrs. a day) and got 5 years probation.

not bad for a kid that knock around his girl.
he clearly isn't doing that bad since he was spotted today wearing a batman hat and jacket, he clearly hasn't grown up too much from this experience.

live at the Kool Haus

BOW WOW.
tonight Bow Wow will be performing at the Kool Haus.
the tickets cost 35$, its a buy one get one free deal going on.
100$ for the V.I.P treatment, it includes a Meet 'n' Greet with Bow Wow himself.

summer sales, what a lovely day.

Stolen Rcihes
June 22 - 28
the sale is on the entire store, there are some exclusions though.
it runs from 20 - 80%

Goodfoot
they have extended there summer sale.
its 30%, with 2 exceptions of:
- Nike Structure Grape (Mint/Purple/White & Black)
- Nike Vintage Tennis Classic (White/Green)

Urban Outfitters
they have been having an amazing sale,
they call it the yard sale.
it ranges from clothes to household items.
you gotta go check it out.

future.

now a days, nothing seems to be real.
this blog is a testament to reality in all its forms.

okay, to the good stuff.
MMVA's tonight was lame as usual, a bunch of yelling teenager fans trying to get the attention of the celebrity sweethearts.

the biggest disappointment was Aubrey Graham better known as Drake.
he has indeed changed and not for the better of his career, he has forgotten where he really and truly came from..
fans tried to get his attention and some "lucky" ones had the chance to even talk him, he talked his beloved fans that it wasn't even him, lying to the people that support him and listen to his every single off his mixtapes.
what a sad day, when you can't even acknowledge you own fans for 2 mins.